5 key things to do when your child is being bullied

What is your first reaction when your child is being bullied? Your response is just as important as your child’s. This article shares a case study of what an Australian parent did to successfully help his son manage and put an end to the bullying.

We explore the following key points:

• Understanding bullying.
• How to recognise the signs when your child is being bullied.
• Your first response.
• Empowering your child
• Professional help.

Many people misunderstand what bulling is, so let’s unpack it.

When your child is being bullied, it is important to fully understand what bullying actually is

There is a difference between conflict between children and when your child is being bullied. A  national safe and supportive school communities working group developed a formal definition for bullying. They say, “Bullying is an ongoing misuse of power in relationships through repeated verbal, physical and/or social behaviour, that cause physical and/or psychological harm. It can involve a group or an individual misusing their power over one or more persons. It can include overt (obvious) and covert (hidden) behaviours.”

Forms of bullying include:

• Cyberbullying –  texts, emails, posts, comments, images or video posts that cause harm to a person and/or their reputation
• Verbal bullying – using words to make someone upset, angry, embarrassed, etc. For example, teasing, name calling, yelling, etc.
• Physical bullying – behaviour that hurts or harms their body, e.g. kicking, tripping, hitting. Physical bullying can also include things like damaging possessions
• Social bullying – things done to hurt their reputation. It can be verbal, like spreading rumours or playing mean jokes, or non-verbal like pretending not to hear a person when they speak or leaving them out.

But how can you tell if your child is being bullied?

How to recognise the signs when your child is being bullied

Some signs you will see, some you may only hear about. Here are some of the signs you may see.

Physical signs:

• bruises, cuts and scratches
• ripped clothing
• changes in sleeping habits
• complaining about stomach aches or headaches
• items going missing at school.

Emotional signs:

• anxiety or nervousness
• upset or feeling down most of the time
• withdrawing from others
• unexcited or unenthusiastic most of the time
• not wanting to go to school.

How do you respond when you discover your child is being bullied?

Your first response

If you suspect your child is being bullied, you can start by casually asking questions. In one case study, a dad checked in with his 13-year-old during his first year of high school. When the child was somewhere that he couldn’t be distracted, the TV off, no devices anywhere, dad asked a few questions in a conversational way.

• “So how are you going at school?”
• “Do the kids treat you nicely?”
• “Is there anyone you don’t get on with?”

His son’s body language was suggesting something was going on. During the questions the child eventually said ‘yes’, there are some kids who treated him badly. Dad casually dug a bit deeper, asking:

• “What did the kids do?”
• “Do they treat anyone else like that?”
• “Are they in your class?”
• “Does the teacher know?”

The dad remained calm. His son said he didn’t want dad to say anything to the school. When it escalated, the boy asked dad to step in. With his son’s permission, dad addressed the issue by speaking to the school.

Dad was:

• inquisitive to his son’s experience
• empathetic, and validated what his son was feeling
• supportive of the son attempting to manage his own way
• able to step in as back up when the behaviour escalated to support him.

Dad did not try to solve it, he let the school solve it.

Empowering your child

Dad created an experience where the son was able to speak about how he was feeling and that he was heard, validated and supported in a way that he found helpful, rather than making decisions on the son’s behalf. This strategy helps young people develop their ability to manage conflict, check in with how different things make them feel, be an active member in managing their problems, and know that when things get tough, their parent is there to help.

Dad will continue to check in and make sure that the engagement with the school has helped. He may also have a conversation with his son about what might lead to someone becoming a bully. He might say that while it’s important to empathise when people have gone through tough things in life that may lead to bullying behaviour, it’s never okay to excuse it.

Learn how to support your child

Parents can learn how to support their young person by doing a free Tuning In To Kids or Tuning In To Teens workshop. These help you to gain more skills and understanding on how to raise emotionally intelligent children and how to best support them when they are faced with challenges. To empower the child to manage experiences of being bullied, consider child counselling.

Better Place Australia child counselling in Melbourne works

If or when your child is being bullied, reach out to Better Place Australia child counselling in Melbourne (Psychological services). Child counsellors at Better Place Australia have seen positive outcomes when supporting children and parents.

Your young person can be helped through counselling to be able to:

• develop resilience and improve emotional stability
• express their feelings in a safe place and manage strong emotions such as blame, guilt and anger
• learn how to express themselves and relate positively to others
• understand their family and friend relationships as they are now and how they change
• use age-appropriate coping skills.

Better Place Australia child counsellors use a variety of counselling styles, depending on the age and issues of the young person.

Make an online enquiry for child counselling in Melbourne.

Watch the case study video below where Better Place Australia child counsellor Deanne shares a snapshot of how she helped a child who was being bullied.