This case study is a snapshot of what dad did when he discovered his child was being bullied at school. For John, it was the beginning of high school. He didn’t know anyone. His parents were confident he would make friends quickly because he was a real people person, and always found it easy to make friends.
As was expected after a few months, John had made a group of friends who he was spending time with at lunches. All seemed to be going well, until dad decided to check in with him to see how he was going.
Dad said, “When John was somewhere that he couldn’t be distracted, the TV off, no devices anywhere, I just asked a few questions in a conversational way. ‘So how are you going at school? Do the kids treat you nicely?’
“Initially, I sensed something was wrong. We continued just chatting and during the conversation John eventually said someone was bullying him. I tried to stay calm and asked him a few other questions casually, questions like, ‘What did they do?… Do they treat anyone else like that?… Are they in your class?… Does the teacher know?’ ”
All through this time, dad believed John and validated John’s experience. Dad said, “I stayed calm but inside I was feeling so angry with the bully. I knew that being angry and vindictive wouldn’t be a good example for John. I said to John how we should speak to the teacher about this but John didn’t want me to. He was afraid of what the bully might do. He wanted to manage it himself. I agreed and said I would check in with him as time went on to see how he was going.
“Then, there was another incident and the bullying was escalating. I explained to John the importance of telling the school about what was happening and John agreed. In fact, by this time he wanted me to step in and help.
“I spoke to the school about the matter. They were right on it. The matter was investigated and within several weeks, the bullying had ended. The student was given appropriate disciplinary measures, which he heeded it seems, so far anyway.
Dad said, “I taught John never to be judgemental, never to be vindictive and to always demonstrate a spirit of friendship towards the bully. I told him how that can sometimes even turn the bully around. I also said to him, ‘You know it’s ok to be upset about it. Did you know that most times a person will bully others because their life is not going well? That makes us kind of sad for those boys, doesn’t it?’
Dad finished up saying, “I felt like I stumbled my way through helping him and definitely need professional guidance on how to deal with things like this in a way that is best for John”
Healthy steps dad took when his son was being bullied at school
Dad didn’t try to solve it. He let the school solve it.
Dad was inquisitive to his son’s experience, empathetic and supportive of the son attempting to manage his own way.
Dad created an experience where the son was able to speak about how he was feeling, and that he was heard and validated.
Dad supported his son in a way that was helpful, rather than making decisions on his son’s behalf.
Dad taught John that he is capable of coming up with solutions to his problems but if things get worse, then dad is there to support him. This approach enabled John to feel empowered to manage his own experiences.
Dad will continue to check in, and make sure that the engagement with the school has helped. He may have a conversation with John about what might lead to someone becoming a bully. He may teach John to empathise with people who have gone through tough things in life that may lead to that behaviour, but how it’s never okay to excuse it.
This approach helps young people develop their ability to manage conflict, check in with how different things make them feel, be an active member in managing their problems and know that when things get tough, their parent is there to help.
Empower your child through Child Counselling in Melbourne
Child counselling in Melbourne can be helpful both during an experience of bullying and afterwards. It ensures that the young person is equipped with the necessary tools and skills to recognise bullying, process it’s impacts and feel empowered to manage it either by themselves or with the help of others.
Learn all-important skills to support your child
To learn how to support your child at home and help them develop strategies to handle bullying, consider doing a free Tuning In To Teens or Tuning In To Kids workshop. These help you to gain more skills and understanding on how to raise emotionally intelligent children and how to best support them when they are faced with challenges.
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Better Place Australia child counselling in Melbourne works
If your child is being bullied at school, or anywhere else for that matter, reach out to Better Place Australia child counselling in Melbourne (Psychological services). Child counsellors at Better Place Australia have seen positive outcomes when supporting children and parents.
Your young person can be helped through counselling to be able to:
- develop resilience and improve emotional stability
- express their feelings in a safe place and manage strong emotions such as blame, guilt and anger
- learn how to express themselves and relate positively to others
- understand their family and friend relationships as they are now and how they change
- use age-appropriate coping skills.
Better Place Australia child counsellors use a variety of evidence based counselling styles, depending on the age and issues of the young person.
Make an online enquiry for child counselling in Melbourne.
Watch the case study video below where a Better Place Australia child counsellor shares a snapshot of how she helped a child who was being bullied.
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