Important Information for Referrers of Older Persons where there is suspected/confirmed Elder Abuse present
Due to the increasing complexity, intensity and volumes of cases, BPA is temporarily closing new referrals for a period of 4 weeks. The decision is necessary to ensure the safety and wellbeing of our current clients and to allow our practitioners to work within safe practice limits.
As people get older, the way they are treated by those around them may change. Older people may feel pressured or coerced into doing things they do not want to do, or they may be mistreated in other ways.
On this page, we discuss what elder abuse is, and Better Place Australia’s Respecting Elders service that supports those who are at risk of or are experiencing elder abuse.
Table of Contents
Information About Elder Abuse
What is Elder Abuse?
Elder abuse is any single or repeated act within a relationship of trust that results in harm to an older person. Harm can be emotional, psychological, financial, physical, sexual or neglect. Family members account for the largest group of people perpetrating elder abuse – this includes an older person’s partner, adult child, or grandchild. However, it may also be carried out by others such as a friend, neighbour, carer, acquaintance, or service provider.
Older people are typically defined as being aged 65 years and above, or 50 years and above for First Nations people.
Why Does Elder Abuse Happen?
Elder abuse can happen in any family or relationship. This includes people of all genders and from all cultural and socio-economic backgrounds.
Older people are most vulnerable when they are socially isolated, dependant on others for care, or experiencing physical or cognitive health issues.
In some cases, the person causing harm may have their own vulnerabilities, such as a history of trauma, mental illness, or substance misuse. They may be financially or emotionally dependent on the older person or there may be mutual dependency.
As people age, their relationship with their family may change due to changing needs and abilities. Some caregivers struggle to cope with these changes or may feel resentful. These challenges can increase tension and conflict, especially if there are problems with money, relationship dynamics, or a history of family violence or trauma.
A key driver of elder abuse is ageism. This can lead people to undervalue, ignore or treat an older people unfairly. Ageism refers to stereotypes (how we think), prejudice (how we feel), and discrimination (how we act) against someone based on their age. It often involves negative attitudes and assumptions, such as thinking that all older people are frail, dependant on others, and cognitively impaired.
Types of Elder Abuse
Elder abuse can happen in different ways. The lists below describe some of the forms it can take and what to look for if you think someone who know may be experiencing mistreatment. An older people might experience one or more of these types of abusive behaviours.
Physical abuse is non-accidental acts that inflict pain or injury, such as hitting, slapping, pushing or using restraints.
Examples of physical abuse
- threatening to hurt the older person in any way
- grabbing, pushing or shoving
- hitting, punching, kicking or slapping
- threatening or injuring with a weapon
- tying or holding down, restraining in any other way, or locking up
- controlling the older person by giving drugs or too much medicine
What to look for
- pain or restricted movement
- bruises, bite marks, cuts, burns, scratches
- unexplained accidents or injuries such as broken bones, sprains, punctures
- over or under-use of sedation
- fear or anxiety
- conflicting or unrealistic stories about injuries
- signs of restraint, e.g. tape marks on wrist
Psychological or emotional abuse includes verbal abuse, bullying, intimidation, humiliation, and threats to harm causing distress and feelings of shame, stress or powerlessness.
Examples of psychological abuse
- insults, name calling or being sworn at in a way older people find offensive or aggressive
- exclusion or being repeatedly ignored
- being undermined or belittled
- manipulation
- being prevented from accessing equipment such as hearing aids
- being prevented from accessing family members or medical specialists
- threats to harm others that the older person cares about
- threats to harm themselves if the older person doesn’t comply
What to look for
- silence
- depression
- anger
- confusion
- retreating
- headaches, exhaustion
- no longer feeling happy about life
Financial abuse is when someone takes or misuses an older person’s money or assets without their permission or in a way that is illegal. This may be using an older person’s credit card, borrowing money without repaying it, or misuse an Enduring Power of Attorney.
Examples of financial abuse
- using their bank accounts or credit card without permission
- borrowing money and not repaying it
- accessing online banking or digital passwords without consent
- financial decisions being made for an older person without their permission
- being pressured into making or changing a will
- misusing an Enduring Power of Attorney for financial benefits
- deliberately prevented an older person from accessing or using their own money, possessions or property
- adult children living with the older person but not contributing to household expenses such as rent, food, or aged care home service fees where it was previously agreed upon that they would
- money, possessions or property being taken without permission
- being pressured into giving or loaning money, possessions or property
What to look for
- credit card/s missing
- unknown transactions appearing on the older person’s bank statements
- being taken by someone else to a bank or ATM to withdraw money
- misuse of power of attorney, such as making changes to a will, power of attorney or property title deed
- paying someone else’s bills/the other party is not contributing to shared expenses
- an older person is not able to afford basic items (food, medication, health aids)
- bank card or bank book is used by someone else
- missing possessions, assets, legal documents or ID
- sudden changes to living arrangements/residence
Sexual abuse is any behaviour of a sexual nature that is done without the older person’s consent. This includes physical and non-contact behaviour such as exposure to sexually explicit material, unwanted touching, unwanted conversation about sexual acts, and advances or coercion into sexual acts.
Examples of sexual abuse
- Touching the older person in a sexual way against their will
- Forcing the older person to engage in sexual acts against their will (with or without penetration)
- Unwanted exposure to pornography
- Talking in a sexual way that makes the older person uncomfortable or threatened
- Engaging the older person in any other unwanted sexual experience(s)
What to look for
- Unexplained sexually transmitted infection (STI), urinary tract infection (UTI) or incontinence of bladder or bowel
- Unexplained pelvic injury
- Having problems walking or sitting
- Bruises, scratches, or bite marks
- Trauma including bleedings around the genitals, chest, rectum or mouth
- Torn or bloody underclothing or bedding
- Anxiety around the perpetrator
Neglect is the failure to meet the basic needs of an older person, such as food, shelter, clothing, warmth, or essential medical care. Neglect can lead to physical discomfort, dehydration, malnutrition, poor hygiene, or medical complications.
Examples of neglect
- Failure to provide regular meals or assistance with eating
- Not supporting access to groceries, clothing, or other daily essentials
- Neglecting personal hygiene needs, such as help with bathing or dressing
- Ignoring toileting needs or withholding access to a toilet
- Failing to ensure medication is taken correctly and on time
- Not assisting with basic household tasks or maintaining a clean living space
- Withholding or limiting transport to essential appointments or activities
- Abandoning an older person with insufficient or no support
What to look for
- Poor personal hygiene, unkept appearance
- Lack of medical or dental care
- Exposure to unsafe and/or unsanitary conditions
- Unexplained weight loss, dehydration, poor skin integrity, malnutrition
- Inadequate clothing for the weather conditions
- Absence of required aids (e.g., walking frame, hearing aids)
Social/cultural abuse restricts the older person’s activities and increases their sense of isolation. It may involve reducing or preventing contact with relatives, friends, service providers, or community members.
Examples of social/cultural abuse
- Isolating a person from friends and family
- Restricting access to community participation (including LGBTIQA+)
- Preventing access to religious or cultural practices
- Denying access to the phone or computer
- Withholding mail
What to look for
- Withdrawal
- Anxiety
- Low self-esteem or feelings of loneliness and rejection
- Appearing ashamed
- Sadness or grief at loss of important relationships
Coercive Control
Coercive control underlies many forms of elder abuse. It is a pattern of behaviour that establishes and maintains control of another person.
Coercion may be physical or non-physical and often starts slowly but increases over time. It gradually undermines the person’s sense of autonomy, self-esteem, and dependence. The person using coercion may convince others it is a ‘normal’ part of their relationship. It is frequently hidden behind gestures of love or care from the perpetrator, making it hard to recognise.
Who Engages in Elder Abuse?
People who carry out elder abuse are usually known and trusted by the older person. It can be carried out by more than one person. The person/people causing harm may be the older person’s:
- Adult child
- Grandchild
- Partner/spouse
- Other family member
- Friend
- Neighbour
- Carer
People Do Not Always Seek Help
People experiencing elder abuse may not seek help or report their experience for several reasons, including:
- Fear of retaliation
- Shame or embarrassment
- To protect their family
- Dependence on the person causing harm
- Feelings of powerlessness
They may also not recognise the behaviours as abuse, particularly when there is a long history of mistreatment or family violence.
How to Help Someone You Know
Everyone has a role to play in recognising and responding to elder abuse. If you’re worried about an older person, checking in, listening without judgment, and offering support can make a big difference. You don’t need to have all the answers — simply showing care, believing their experience, and helping them connect with support services can be an important first step.
Safety First
If someone is in immediate danger, call the police on 000.
Ask, Listen and Believe
It is best to talk with the person when they are on their own and in a safe space. Listening to the person’s story with empathy and without judgement is important and being able to talk freely can help make sense of what is happening.
Some helpful questions to get started:
- “Is anyone treating you badly?”
- “Do you feel safe?”
- “Does anyone stop you from being involved in activities or having money?”
- “Does anyone speak to you in a way that makes you feel upset?”
- “Do you need help at home?”
Take their experiences and concerns seriously. Listen without judgement. It can be hard for people to share what is happening. An older person is likely to downplay the abuse. Reassure the person that they are heard, believed, and not to blame. You can respond by saying something like:
- “No one has the right to mistreat you”
- “From what you have told me, it seems your choices are not being respected”
- “That sounds like abuse to me”
Offer support and help connect them to services that can help
Supporting the older person and seeking information about where to get professional help and increase safety is the best thing you can do.
Ask:
- “How can I support you?”
- “What will make you feel safe?”
- “Would you like to speak with a service that can help?”
If the person is open to professional support, you can encourage or help them to contact services like our Respecting Elders service.
If the person does not want professional help, that is okay too. It can be difficult for anyone to take action, particularly if the person causing harm is a family member. Remember, an older person with capacity has the right to make their own decisions and it is important to respect their choices. There are still ways you can help increase their safety.
About Our Service: Respecting Elders
If you’re worried that you or an older person you know is being pressured, mistreated, or taken advantage of, you are not alone.
Better Place Australia’s Respecting Elders Service is a Victorian Government funded service that supports older people experiencing any form of family conflict or elder abuse. Our practitioners work directly with the older person to provide support and options for them, and where safe and appropriate, may involve their family members or carers.
We provide respectful, confidential support to older people and their families. Our service helps protect an older person’s wellbeing and independence, while supporting safe and healthy family relationships.
How We Help
Our Respecting Elders program offers a supportive space where older people can speak openly about their wishes, experiences, and concerns – whether on their own or with the help of an advocate.
We aim to empower you to resolve family differences to stop or prevent elder abuse. While legal options are available, many older people do not want legal pathways. These are often expensive, adversarial and can have a negative impact on family relationships.
We’ll work with you to understand your situation and offer practical guidance, while always respecting your right to make your own decisions. Depending on your needs and preferences, we may support you through:
- Assessing risks: We’ll help you evaluate your situation, looking at potential risks to your safety and relationship dynamics.
- Exploring options: Our team will discuss your options and provide practical advice to help you feel empowered and safe.
- Your right to independence: We believe in your right to feel safe and maintain your independence. We help you set boundaries and ensure your decisions reflect your wishes.
- Managing family conflicts: If you’re facing pressure from family, we can help find respectful solutions while protecting your autonomy.
- Planning for the future: We offer guidance on Powers of Attorney and how to protect yourself from being coerced into decisions you’re comfortable with.
- Respecting your choices: You have the right to say no, set boundaries, or take no action at all – we respect your autonomy.
To read more about what we can help you with, please read this Factsheet
What We Can Help With
We are committed to helping you feel safe, understood, and free from being pressured. Whether you’re concerns about family dynamics, financial decisions, or maintaining control of your life, we’re here to support you. Our team offers a safe and confidential space where your concerns may be heard and respected.
We support older people experiencing, or at risk of, elder abuse. This may include:
- Missing money or property, or being pressured to change legal or financial documents
- Feeling neglected, isolated or cut off from friends and family
- Verbal and physical abuse
- Having your wishes ignored or feeling like you’ve lost control over your life
- Staying silent or in an unhealthy relationship to preserve family ties
- No longer feeling safe, respected, or content in daily life
What To Expect When You Contact Us
When you initially speak with us, a member of our team will ask a few simple questions – such as your age, location, and whether you or someone you know might be experiencing elder abuse. We’ll also ask basic questions about your safety (or the safety of the person you’re concerned about) to ensure we can provide the right support. The initial phone call may take more than 20 minutes.
Our service is welcoming, inclusive and culturally safe for all clients. You can ask for an interpreter if needed.
Once we understand your situation, we’ll register you for the service and explain the next steps.
Please note: Better Place Australia is not a crisis service. If someone is in immediate danger, call 000.
What Happens Next
A Better Place Australia family consultant will speak with you confidentially – either in person or by phone – to learn more about your circumstances and develop a personalised support plan.
We offer a combination of services to help you work through issues and reach positive outcomes:
- Advocacy and support
- Empowerment and coaching
- Counselling
- Facilitated family meetings
- Financial counselling
- Mediation and conflict resolution
- Liaison with legal services
- Creating written agreements between parties, where appropriate
Most importantly, we support you to make your own decisions on matters that are important to you: where you live, how you spend your money, what happens if you fall ill, and end of life care.
Who Can Use This Service?
The Respecting Elders service is free. We can meet you in your home, at an office, or another agreed location.
It is available to older people:
- Aged 65 years or older, or 50 years or more for First Nations people
- Living in Victoria within one of our funded service areas (see below)
- Experiencing or at risk of elder abuse
While the service focuses on supporting the older person, family members may also be involved – particularly in family-based mediation, depending on the situation.
Our Service Areas
The Respecting Elders Service can specifically support older people who reside in the regions of Inner Gippsland, Bayside Peninsula, Barwon, North-East Melbourne and the Western Metro Area. These regions cover the following local government areas:
Banyule
Bass Coast
Baw Baw
Bayside
Colac Otway Shire
Darebin
Frankston
Glen Eira
City of Greater Geelong
Heidelberg
Hobsons Bay
Kingston
Latrobe Valley
Maribyrnong
Melbourne
Moonee Valley
Mornington Peninsula
Nillumbik
Port Philip
Borough of Queenscliff
South Gippsland
Stonnington
Surf Coast Shire
Whittlesea
Wyndham
Yarra
If you (or the older person you support) live outside of these areas, please call the national elder abuse phone line to find relevant services: 1800 ELDERHelp (1800 353 374)
Getting in Contact With Us
If you would like to know more about the Respecting Elders service or would like to make a referral, please contact us using the options below.
Referrals can come from the older person themselves, a concerned family member or friend, or another service and agency.
Website Enquiries
Referring myself or someone I know
If you are reaching out for support for yourself or someone you know, please complete this secure and confidential enquiry form.
Referring my client
If you work for another organisation and want to begin the client referral process, please use this referral form.
This will save you time by providing us with required information to help with exploring your options before we call you back.
Phone
If you would prefer to call us to provide this information, you can contact us on 1800 214 117.
You can reach us between 9am – 5pm Monday to Friday. The call could take at least 20 minutes.
You can send a confidential email.
We will endeavour to respond to your enquiry within the next working day.
Online Chat
On the bottom right-hand side of our website, you will see our online chat icon where you can chat with someone about your enquiry.
(Mon-Fri, 9am-5pm)
Privacy Policy
For more information about our privacy policy, please contact us or read the policy here.
Need Urgent Help?
Our service is not a crisis service.
If someone is in immediate danger, call 000.
The following 24/7 crisis services offer free and confidential support.
1800 RESPECT
24/7 support for people affected by domestic, family or sexual violence.
1800 737 732
Safe Steps
Victoria’s 24/7 family violence crisis service offering support, safety planning and access to crisis accommodation.
1800 015 188
MensLine Australia
24/7 counselling for men with emotional or relationship concerns
1300 78 99 78
Yarning SafeNStrong
24/7 wellbeing support for Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples.
1800 959 563
Sexual Assault Crisis Line (SACL)
24/7 counselling for people impacted by past or recent sexual assault.
1800 806 292